and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
