in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
