I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
