I'm really into asian looking animals
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
