so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
