dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
