"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
