God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
