party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
