got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How does one acquire holy water?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
