i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
