You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This toilet bowl is my home.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
