Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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