i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
