But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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