alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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