I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
