So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
