My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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