I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
