Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
