At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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