this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
