i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
