My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just threw up on my dentist
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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