U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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