i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
