I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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