So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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