I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't deserve a penis
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
