my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
