Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
