Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
