i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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