please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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