I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
