I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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