it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
