And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
