Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
