Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
