And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
