new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
