I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
