Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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