I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
