I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
