I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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