I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
