I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
