weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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