just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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