im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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