you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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