You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
